April 1, 2001
Rev. Andrea Harrison
Responsive Reading:Psalm 139: 1-16, 23-24
Gospel Reading: Luke 8: 4-8
Who would like to talk about childhood sexual abuse? That's a question that is bound to get a mixed response. Well, some of us were able to do just that at a workshop on Childhood Sexual Abuse, held at the Martintown Community Centre on Saturday, March 24th.
I imagine that all of us attending that morning wondered who would show up, and what kind of conversations would occur around such a difficult issue. Would there be angry statements? Would there be accusations and counter-accusations? Would there be tears? Would I, as a clergyperson, be a lightening rod for people's anger and pain around the issue of sexual abuse by clergy?
With coffee and Timbits in hand, we sat in a circle, interrupted only by a collection of plants, flowers, and a candle lit at the beginning of the workshop. The smell of homemade soup wafted into the room as volunteers set up an adjacent room for lunch for us. The weather co-operated with sunshine, and no more snow, enabling participants and presenters to make the journey to the Martintown Community Centre.
The stage was set. It was time for the conversations to begin. And converse we did. Our two presenters were Patti Carson from the Sexual Assault Support Services of Stormont, Dundas, Glengarry, and Akwesasne, and Darryl Tessier, a Men's Project counsellor, who came down from Ottawa. They did a fine job of sharing information, answering questions, and raising issues. There were no harsh or angry words spoken. Nor was there that "deafening silence" that so often occurs when a sensitive issue like this is raised.
Questions were asked, perspectives shared, and there was learning. I'm sure all of us came away with a new understanding, or thoughts, or even questions. And we did it. We talked about the issue of childhood sexual abuse, and the sky did not fall in on us, nor the earth open up to swallow us up into cavernous depths.
This is not an easy topic for any community to discuss. Statistics tell us that there is childhood sexual abuse in every community, large or small. The Project Truth investigation has certainly highlighted the issue in this area, and has left the Martintown and Williamstown communities struggling to deal with the fact that Father Charles MacDonald, a priest well-loved and respected by many from his time serving in parishes in these two communities, has been charged with sexually assaulting children, and is awaiting trial.
The temptation is to say nothing. To keep silent and hope the issue will go away, but of course it doesn't.
Patti Carson, the presenter from Sexual Assault Support Services, told us that one in two females and one in three males have been sexually abused in some way by the age of 18. Patti defined sexual abuse for us as anything that affects the sexual integrity of an individual. It was also emphasized to us, that silence – refusing to face the issue, or acknowledge, or talk about it – creates an environment in which child sexual assault is more likely to occur.
If one in two girls and one in three boys have their sexual integrity invaded, then we adults are obviously behaving inappropriately with children, or saying sexually offensive or damaging things far too often, and maybe even unwittingly.
Many workplaces and schools have programmes to address the issues of sexual harassment and racism. Remember, there were actions, lude comments, racial slurs, that we used to think were harmless, or not worth reporting or confronting a colleague or friend about. We are now taught to understand that these actions and words can indeed be degrading or damaging, and are not to be ignored or overlooked. Perhaps we need to pay the same kind of attention to the inappropriate ways in which we interact with children.
And then there are the criminal offences – the sexual acts with children, that any adult should know are wrong and harmful. Adults sexually assault children of all ages, from infancy through adolescence. And the sad news is that in 85% of cases the child knows the offender. It may be a family member, a family friend, a respected member of the community who interacts with children at school, at the arena, in children's organizations, at church … and the list goes on.
As a mother of a two year old boy, with my second baby due in June, I would like to think that I can ensure my children will never be victims of sexual assault. The reality is that I can't. But I'm sure that even just my awareness of this risk will help increase their safety.
You've probably all received brochures from organizations such as the Cancer Society or Heart and Stroke, that identify risk factors and early warning signs.
Well, there are risk factors and early warning signs for childhood sexual abuse. You probably just haven't received such advice in your mailbox.
There are suggestions of what we can tell our children, to help protect them. This includes telling them, "Your body is your own – you don't have to let anyone touch you or hurt you." At the workshop, we talked about not demanding that our children kiss people they don't want to kiss, even if that means disappointing grandma, who is waiting with outstretched arms.
It's also suggested that we teach our children names for their body parts, and that there are parts of their bodies that are private and that no one has the right to touch without their permission.
At the workshop, it was also emphasized that we listen to our children. I suppose that my husband, Bill, and I have been practicing that already when two year old Sam comes to us, troubled by the invisible "bad guys" in the shadows at night. We take it seriously that he is bothered by these imaginary characters, and he now has a repertoire of things to say to them, including: "Boo, run away!" and "Reform yourself!" He also tells us when he is sad or angry. When he is crying, we or he will often differentiate between "crying tears" and the "I'm not getting my way tears."
We also need to listen to our children when they surprise us with their responses. This could include their not wanting to spend time with someone, who up until now has been a person whose company they have enjoyed, or whose time and attention (such as that of a coach) they have appreciated. That person may indeed have treated them well in the past, but we need to remember that those who molest children often set up trusting, positive relationships first, luring the children in. They then try to ensure that the child remains silent about any abuse that subsequently occurs.
As parents, Bill and I will continue to try to learn and be aware of ways of protecting our children and the children with whom we have contact.
As a member of the clergy, I am particularly concerned about the reality that child sexual abuse takes place in church settings with church leaders. This results in all the usual scars of sexual abuse, plus it may deny the victim of their faith in God, or of access to a worshipping community.
The following is a poem written by one woman who was sexually abused by a clergyperson. She was inspired to write this by the Rev. Marie Fortune at the June 23, 1995, Kirkridge Retreat for Clergy Abuse Survivors.
[Insert poem Stolen not Lost, from the book Victim to survivor: Women Recovering from Clergy Sexual Abuse. Editor: Nancy Werking Poling, United Church Press, Cleveland, Ohio, 1999.] (not reproduced due to copyright)
This sad state of affairs is slowly becoming more recognized. As a fairly recent graduate from theological college, I can say that this issue was addressed in my training. We talked about clergy misconduct and professional boundaries. We talked about the need for clergy self care to help prevent us from slipping into inappropriate behaviours, when we are overwhelmed by unmet needs. We talked about our responsibility as professionals and as church leaders to keep ourselves and our colleagues accountable to professional standards of conduct.
Education of the church membership is also important. I would like to say that sexual assault of children does not occur within my denomination, but that would not be true. I would like to promise that children will never be sexually assaulted on the church premises in which I serve, but I cannot guarantee that. You, as members of the church, need to know that there is no job title that guarantees that a person will not sexually assault children, not even the job title of clergy, or elder, or Sunday School teacher. You need to watch for signs of childhood sexual abuse even within your church setting, painful though that may be. And if you are worried that something inappropriate is going on, you need to speak up and take action. Keep in mind that under Ontario law, "If a person has reasonable grounds to suspect that a child is, or may be, in need of protection, that person must promptly report the suspicion, and the information upon which it is based, to a children's aid society."
Jesus told the parable of the sower who planted seeds. He interpreted the parable with the seeds being the word of God. We might wish to think of those seeds as children. Some of those children are trampled upon; some are consumed by the needs of others; some whither for lack of nurture; some are choked by silence and abuse; but some grow and flourish in safe and nurturing environments.
It is up to all of us to create communities in which the risk of child sexual abuse is minimized. Those of us in the church must not bury our heads in the sand, and hope that this painful issue will just go away, for it won't. Just as we speak of facing the pain of Jesus' crucifixion in order to discover the healing power of love and resurrection, we need to face the crucifying stories of child sexual abuse in our midst so that we can begin to heal; so that we can turn from deathly silence to life giving words and actions; so that we can enable the experience of God's love and resurrection, even in the shadow of the crosses of abuse. May God help us in this painful journey from darkness to light, and in the process may we create environments in which children and adults can grow and flourish in safety and love. Amen.
